There's a lot I want to say and I'm not even sure how to say it all in one letter. But I guess I should start with the obvious: I'm sorry. You have all been so good to me and I'm leaving like this. But I can't keep going this way.
Yes, I did this to myself. I decided I would rather die than continue like this. I want out of here, but I refuse to hurt anyone to do so. Even if P.A.L. actually kept his word, I couldn't live with myself if I did that. But continuing to live like this... I can't do that either. So I've decided to take things into my own hands and follow Angel and Rhys. Hopefully I'll just wake up back home safe and sound like I usually do, and then this will all be over. If that doesn't happen... oh well. At least I'll be free.
Please don't blame yourselves for this though. This was my choice. You've all been nothing but good to me and I would hate for you to think this is your fault. That you didn't talk to me enough or weren't there for me when I needed you. You were, believe me. And I don't know where to begin thanking you.
The truth is, my brothers and I have been treated like a freakshow since the day we were born. Identical sextuplets? That's not normal, we're like some kind of genetic mutants. And as some of you have seen by now, we look more like clones than people... that's just the way Akatsuka-sensei conceived us. Our entire lives no one has been able to tell us apart: our parents were only able to once we started wearing different colours. Hell, WE couldn't even tell each other apart. Because of that we were rarely treated as individuals. It was never “that's Matsuno Choromatsu”, it was always “that's one of those sextuplets - what's his name? Osomatsu?” I've probably been mistakenly called by one of my brothers' names more than my own. One time, one of my brothers said “I don't have five friends, I have five enemies” and I feel like all six of us felt that on some level. Our identity is pretty much inseparable from our birth... so because of that sometime around high school I started trying to distance myself from them and become independent. I wanted to be my own person, not just part of a unit. Find my place in society as a proper person, be more than scum, more than a sextuplet! Acknowledged and accepted for who I am. But I wonder if anyone ever actually saw me that way. I feel like they never did.
But here it's been different. I think this was the first time in my life I was judged as just Matsuno Choromatsu. No one knows me as a sextuplet, you only know me as Choromatsu. All of you just accepted me for who I am and treated me as ME. I felt like a person here - a person who made actual friends, friends who aren't just his own family. And you know... I don't think I've had friends like that before either? There's the guys I hang out with at concerts but that's different. My brothers have been my only “real” friends my whole life but that's not the case now.
But because of that... I don't think I can handle watching any more of my friends die.
“You're being selfish.” I know. But with Angel passing it's too much for me now. She said we'd escape together – all of us. I believed her then. But she's gone now and no matter how hard I try I can't believe in it anymore. So I'm getting out in my own way. I'm so sorry. But I'm just not as strong as the rest of you. All I am is useless and weak after all.
If I really don't wake up at home and you do manage to escape... there's another letter attached to this. It's for my brothers. I don't even know if they're alive anymore but if they are... if you could find them and give this to them I'd be really happy. Even though I tried to be independent of them and carve my own way, at the end of the day I'm not really whole without them in my life. I want them to know how I feel. I wish I could introduce you to them myself. Or even to my parents. My mom's good at cooking for a lot of people. She'll probably cry when you break the news to her - she couldn't even handle it when Osomatsu-niisan and I went to live with another family for a while, much less when we were hurt. I'm sorry if you have to deal with that. Let her know I'm sorry I didn't give her grandchildren like she wanted. And that I'm sorry for not being a better son.
Thank you. For everything. I'll be cheering for you. Good bye.
Choromatsu
(P.S. PLEASE DON'T DIE AT THE TRIAL BECAUSE OF ME)
Everyone on the Fantasy Sweet
There's a lot I want to say and I'm not even sure how to say it all in one letter. But I guess I should start with the obvious: I'm sorry. You have all been so good to me and I'm leaving like this. But I can't keep going this way.
Yes, I did this to myself. I decided I would rather die than continue like this. I want out of here, but I refuse to hurt anyone to do so. Even if P.A.L. actually kept his word, I couldn't live with myself if I did that. But continuing to live like this... I can't do that either. So I've decided to take things into my own hands and follow Angel and Rhys. Hopefully I'll just wake up back home safe and sound like I usually do, and then this will all be over. If that doesn't happen... oh well. At least I'll be free.
Please don't blame yourselves for this though. This was my choice. You've all been nothing but good to me and I would hate for you to think this is your fault. That you didn't talk to me enough or weren't there for me when I needed you. You were, believe me. And I don't know where to begin thanking you.
The truth is, my brothers and I have been treated like a freakshow since the day we were born. Identical sextuplets? That's not normal, we're like some kind of genetic mutants. And as some of you have seen by now, we look more like clones than people... that's just the way Akatsuka-sensei conceived us. Our entire lives no one has been able to tell us apart: our parents were only able to once we started wearing different colours. Hell, WE couldn't even tell each other apart. Because of that we were rarely treated as individuals. It was never “that's Matsuno Choromatsu”, it was always “that's one of those sextuplets - what's his name? Osomatsu?” I've probably been mistakenly called by one of my brothers' names more than my own. One time, one of my brothers said “I don't have five friends, I have five enemies” and I feel like all six of us felt that on some level. Our identity is pretty much inseparable from our birth... so because of that sometime around high school I started trying to distance myself from them and become independent. I wanted to be my own person, not just part of a unit. Find my place in society as a proper person, be more than scum, more than a sextuplet! Acknowledged and accepted for who I am. But I wonder if anyone ever actually saw me that way. I feel like they never did.
But here it's been different. I think this was the first time in my life I was judged as just Matsuno Choromatsu. No one knows me as a sextuplet, you only know me as Choromatsu. All of you just accepted me for who I am and treated me as ME. I felt like a person here - a person who made actual friends, friends who aren't just his own family. And you know... I don't think I've had friends like that before either? There's the guys I hang out with at concerts but that's different. My brothers have been my only “real” friends my whole life but that's not the case now.
But because of that... I don't think I can handle watching any more of my friends die.
“You're being selfish.” I know. But with Angel passing it's too much for me now. She said we'd escape together – all of us. I believed her then. But she's gone now and no matter how hard I try I can't believe in it anymore. So I'm getting out in my own way. I'm so sorry. But I'm just not as strong as the rest of you. All I am is useless and weak after all.
If I really don't wake up at home and you do manage to escape... there's another letter attached to this. It's for my brothers. I don't even know if they're alive anymore but if they are... if you could find them and give this to them I'd be really happy. Even though I tried to be independent of them and carve my own way, at the end of the day I'm not really whole without them in my life. I want them to know how I feel. I wish I could introduce you to them myself. Or even to my parents. My mom's good at cooking for a lot of people. She'll probably cry when you break the news to her - she couldn't even handle it when Osomatsu-niisan and I went to live with another family for a while, much less when we were hurt. I'm sorry if you have to deal with that. Let her know I'm sorry I didn't give her grandchildren like she wanted. And that I'm sorry for not being a better son.
Thank you. For everything. I'll be cheering for you. Good bye.
Choromatsu
(P.S. PLEASE DON'T DIE AT THE TRIAL BECAUSE OF ME)