I'm sorry. I know some of you probably don't want to hear any apologies or anything at all but I am. I've gone and done something horrible. Betrayed the trust you all put in me and killed someone important to us. I don't expect forgiveness, I can't even forgive myself right now. This isn't something I wanted to do, but I didn't know what else to do. I couldn't let them kill my brothers. They're my BROTHERS. I just couldn't.
Ever since coming here I've been thinking about my brothers. Thinking about how I tried to leave them before but ended up going right back home to them. There's this saying I heard back home on TV once... that you hate your siblings from the beginning but you love them from the beginning as well. I think that's true. You fight, you argue, you say cruel things to them, you even say you hate them but you always love them. And in our case... being sextuplets makes that even more true. When you're always together and share literally everything - your room, your snacks, your bed, even your own face - you fight even more constantly but you still live in fear of the day you can no longer stay as six. When you've been with someone since before you were even born, when you don't even feel like a person just one sixth of a whole, you fear becoming five. Or four. Or even worse... one. I think that's something most twins feel, Ardyn's situation with his asshole one notwithstanding. You never feel like a whole person on your own.
I could never bring myself to see my little brothers again and tell them we're quadruplets now. Tell them that it happened while I just stood by and LET it happen. I could never live with myself if they died for real. I could never be comfortable with taking the risk that these people are lying. It was bad enough finding out they'd been involved once before, and died who knows how. Losing them for real after regaining that little bit of hope they might not be actually dead... I can't. I just can't. I meant it when I said I didn't want to kill for them but I can't let this happen. And in the end, while you are all my dear friends and people I would even consider family, they're still my brothers. My twin brothers. And they will always come first for me.
Sorry, I'm rambling now. Maybe I'm just trying to justify myself as I sit here alone with what I did. Either way it doesn't excuse what I've done. It doesn't excuse betraying the trust I knew you all had in me, stabbing someone I liked in the back and leaving you all to grieve. It's not right. If I'd been less of a coward I would have just done it to myself and then no one else would have had to die. Ardyn shouldn't have died. I should never have let him eat those stupid cookies.
I believe in all of you though. I believe you can save ALL of us. This has to end sometime, those bastards can't do this forever. Eventually it all has to stop and if anyone can stop this, it's you guys. Ardyn told me to trust you, that I should have more faith. And I do. I trust you all. I know you can beat them and save us.
I don't know how much more I have in me to write. But I did want to say a few more things to each of you:
Yurika and Jane - You're both good people. I didn't get too close with any of your round and maybe I should be regretting that. There aren't many of you left now, so take care of each other and Xander.
Xander - I meant it when I said we're even now. You're one of us even if you were a dick before. It's not like I'm any better than you at this point anyway. Guess there's a reason you get to be the Champion Big Brother and I'm just the Useless One.
Max - I didn't get to know you well either, but thank you for letting me have Osomatsu-niisan's hoodie. I'll find Chloe-san when I get to where they are and make sure she's okay, I promise.
Pyrrha - I really appreciate what you said last weekend. It meant a lot to me to hear I wasn't useless. Please take care of Nari for me. Please just make her happy. I think you're good for her.
Noctis - Thank you for being a good room mate when we were in the simulation and a friend. I really miss those blankets right now. I'm especially sorry to you for what I did, but you already know he's counting on you, don't you? Like I said to Pyrrha, please take care of Nari for me.
Heart - We never talked much here or in the Fantasy Sweet but I want you to know that for some reason I always feel comfortable and safe with you around? I don't know why. I just feel like you're dependable and I can trust you. I didn't feel this way at the mansion... maybe something happened that I don't remember yet. But you're a good guy and I know you'll take care of our group.
Junpei and Church - I don't even know if either of you will ever read this. I'm sure I'm the last person you ever want to hear from ever again, so I'm not going to say much. But I appreciated our friendships while they lasted and I know Ardyn is counting on you both to save him and everyone else.
Arianna - You are much smarter and stronger than anyone ever gives you credit for. I think you're one of the most amazing people here and that you live up to your title. You may not be like Xander or Ardyn but your heart is so kind. You've gone through so much and yet I'm still impressed by your strength. Rii-chan would be proud of you. I'M proud of you. Don't ever let yourself think that you're useless.
Nari - I have so much I want to say and not enough space here. I ended up writing a second letter instead for you. I'll understand if you don't read it. I'm so sorry, Nari.
Touko - I also have so much to say but I don't even know how to say it all. All of my feelings... you've been there for me so much and I don't even know where to begin putting to words how thankful I am to have known you, to be friends with you. I'm not even sure I have the time anymore. So instead I'll just say, you deserve to be happy, Touko-chan. You've gone through so much, you deserve to be loved and happy possibly more than anyone else I know. Please don't beat yourself up too much anymore. You're better than you ever think of yourself. I think I got some of your writing out of the gacha. Sorry, I kept it till now so I could read it. It should still be in my room somewhere. It's really good. I wish I had the chance to read more.
I only have one more thing to say. In case that you escape but can't save us... my remaining brothers' names are Ichimatsu, Jyushimatsu and Todomatsu. They wear purple, yellow and pink respectively. I'm terrified that if these people captured me and my older brothers, then the other three are also in danger. I know I've done something awful but they don't deserve to suffer because of me. Please find them and protect them if you can! And tell them their big brothers love them. I know Osomatsu-niisan and Karamatsu-niisan do too. We never wanted to leave them alone...
Thank you for everything, all of you. Stay strong.
Everyone
I'm sorry. I know some of you probably don't want to hear any apologies or anything at all but I am. I've gone and done something horrible. Betrayed the trust you all put in me and killed someone important to us. I don't expect forgiveness, I can't even forgive myself right now. This isn't something I wanted to do, but I didn't know what else to do. I couldn't let them kill my brothers. They're my BROTHERS. I just couldn't.
Ever since coming here I've been thinking about my brothers. Thinking about how I tried to leave them before but ended up going right back home to them. There's this saying I heard back home on TV once... that you hate your siblings from the beginning but you love them from the beginning as well. I think that's true. You fight, you argue, you say cruel things to them, you even say you hate them but you always love them. And in our case... being sextuplets makes that even more true. When you're always together and share literally everything - your room, your snacks, your bed, even your own face - you fight even more constantly but you still live in fear of the day you can no longer stay as six. When you've been with someone since before you were even born, when you don't even feel like a person just one sixth of a whole, you fear becoming five. Or four. Or even worse... one. I think that's something most twins feel, Ardyn's situation with his asshole one notwithstanding. You never feel like a whole person on your own.
I could never bring myself to see my little brothers again and tell them we're quadruplets now. Tell them that it happened while I just stood by and LET it happen. I could never live with myself if they died for real. I could never be comfortable with taking the risk that these people are lying. It was bad enough finding out they'd been involved once before, and died who knows how. Losing them for real after regaining that little bit of hope they might not be actually dead... I can't. I just can't. I meant it when I said I didn't want to kill for them but I can't let this happen. And in the end, while you are all my dear friends and people I would even consider family, they're still my brothers. My twin brothers. And they will always come first for me.
Sorry, I'm rambling now. Maybe I'm just trying to justify myself as I sit here alone with what I did. Either way it doesn't excuse what I've done. It doesn't excuse betraying the trust I knew you all had in me, stabbing someone I liked in the back and leaving you all to grieve. It's not right. If I'd been less of a coward I would have just done it to myself and then no one else would have had to die. Ardyn shouldn't have died. I should never have let him eat those stupid cookies.
I believe in all of you though. I believe you can save ALL of us. This has to end sometime, those bastards can't do this forever. Eventually it all has to stop and if anyone can stop this, it's you guys. Ardyn told me to trust you, that I should have more faith. And I do. I trust you all. I know you can beat them and save us.
I don't know how much more I have in me to write. But I did want to say a few more things to each of you:
Yurika and Jane - You're both good people. I didn't get too close with any of your round and maybe I should be regretting that. There aren't many of you left now, so take care of each other and Xander.
Xander - I meant it when I said we're even now. You're one of us even if you were a dick before. It's not like I'm any better than you at this point anyway. Guess there's a reason you get to be the Champion Big Brother and I'm just the Useless One.
Max - I didn't get to know you well either, but thank you for letting me have Osomatsu-niisan's hoodie. I'll find Chloe-san when I get to where they are and make sure she's okay, I promise.
Pyrrha - I really appreciate what you said last weekend. It meant a lot to me to hear I wasn't useless. Please take care of Nari for me. Please just make her happy. I think you're good for her.
Noctis - Thank you for being a good room mate when we were in the simulation and a friend. I really miss those blankets right now. I'm especially sorry to you for what I did, but you already know he's counting on you, don't you? Like I said to Pyrrha, please take care of Nari for me.
Heart - We never talked much here or in the Fantasy Sweet but I want you to know that for some reason I always feel comfortable and safe with you around? I don't know why. I just feel like you're dependable and I can trust you. I didn't feel this way at the mansion... maybe something happened that I don't remember yet. But you're a good guy and I know you'll take care of our group.
Junpei and Church - I don't even know if either of you will ever read this. I'm sure I'm the last person you ever want to hear from ever again, so I'm not going to say much. But I appreciated our friendships while they lasted and I know Ardyn is counting on you both to save him and everyone else.
Arianna - You are much smarter and stronger than anyone ever gives you credit for. I think you're one of the most amazing people here and that you live up to your title. You may not be like Xander or Ardyn but your heart is so kind. You've gone through so much and yet I'm still impressed by your strength. Rii-chan would be proud of you. I'M proud of you. Don't ever let yourself think that you're useless.
Nari - I have so much I want to say and not enough space here. I ended up writing a second letter instead for you. I'll understand if you don't read it. I'm so sorry, Nari.
Touko - I also have so much to say but I don't even know how to say it all. All of my feelings... you've been there for me so much and I don't even know where to begin putting to words how thankful I am to have known you, to be friends with you. I'm not even sure I have the time anymore. So instead I'll just say, you deserve to be happy, Touko-chan. You've gone through so much, you deserve to be loved and happy possibly more than anyone else I know. Please don't beat yourself up too much anymore. You're better than you ever think of yourself.
I think I got some of your writing out of the gacha. Sorry, I kept it till now so I could read it. It should still be in my room somewhere. It's really good. I wish I had the chance to read more.
I only have one more thing to say. In case that you escape but can't save us... my remaining brothers' names are Ichimatsu, Jyushimatsu and Todomatsu. They wear purple, yellow and pink respectively. I'm terrified that if these people captured me and my older brothers, then the other three are also in danger. I know I've done something awful but they don't deserve to suffer because of me. Please find them and protect them if you can! And tell them their big brothers love them. I know Osomatsu-niisan and Karamatsu-niisan do too. We never wanted to leave them alone...
Thank you for everything, all of you. Stay strong.
-Choromatsu