[ It's been a few weeks since Yuuri actually sat down and watched Airlocked!. She feels like a coward when so many of the others are still sat there for trial after trial. But she can't make herself do it anymore. What happens week to week always filters through to her anyway and that's the important part.
So of course, when she hears how this week unfolded, her first thought is that she has to do something for Choromatsu. What, exactly, she doesn't know. But she can't do nothing. It's not the same thing and she can't pretend it is, but... Yuuri knows what it's like to lose a sibling. She needs to help him.
It's an hour or two after the latest awful episode wraps that Yuuri goes to find him. Crowding him so soon after all that... well, it wouldn't be good for him. But she can't make herself wait any longer. He's probably sick to death of tea and hot drinks and everything else she'd try to get him to eat right now so for once, Yuuri's empty handed when she knocks at the door. ]
... Choromatsu-kun. You don't have to open the door but I just want to check up on you. Just... let me know if you're in there, okay?
[ The door is left open a crack, because Choromatsu KNOWS that his friends will freak out if he barricaded himself in here like he did back in their round. He's face down on his bed, nursing off a massive cry headache and occasionally starting to cry all over again when he thinks about his poor brothers. When he hears Yuuri he's just sniffling quietly.
His voice is muffled in his pillow when he speaks. ]
[ He hasn't told her to go away, so that's a good sign. It doesn't necessarily mean he wants company but it's better than an outright rejection. Or no reply at all.
But she doesn't just march in, even with that assurance. She pokes her head around the door and gives him the best smile she can sum up right now. ]
Okay. I just wanted to check up on you after all that. Is it okay if I come in?
[ She doesn't shut the door behind her when she comes in, for the same reason he'd left it cracked open in the first place. Privacy is one thing but she doesn't want anyone else worrying after an episode of Airlocked like that. ]
I heard what happened. I wanted to give you a little space but I couldn't just leave you all by yourself.
[ She doesn't quite feel comfortable sitting down on the bed, but she stands next to it and gently rests her hand on his back. ]
How are you holding up? That's probably a stupid question, but... if there's anything I can do to help, just let me know.
[ He's... quiet for a while. How does he even answer? He straight up doesn't know. This entire situation is so much more complicated than if they'd just died like Takumi had. Not that Takumi's death wasn't traumatizing and upsetting for him, but knowing this was going to happen, that it happened a long time ago, and having been prepared for it... it's different. And seeing the things that had been said between the two eldest...
...
He lifts his head up a little from his pillow. ]
Rii-chan... can I say something that might be kind of weird...?
You'd be surprise how few things I hear these days that aren't weird.
[ It should sound like a joke but her voice is so flat and she sounds tired enough for both of them that the attempt at injecting some levity into the mood (if it was that to begin with) falls right on its face. ]
...All off our lives my oldest brother has been a shit.
When we were children he was the leader... a little brat leading five other brats into trouble all the time. As adults he was a lazy, selfish slacker that refused to grow up and always got on my nerves. He was... annoying. A stupid shitty eldest.
[ He turns his head so he's laying it on his side ]
I... never heard him call us his "precious little brothers" like that before.
[ At least not in a way that wasn't somehow condescending or indicating he wanted something from them ]
... you guys all grew up together, didn't you? You spent basically every minute of every day joined at the hip. When you're that close all the time... I think it's hard to notice things like that.
[ She'd never noticed until it was too late how tender and delicate Kurumi's heart had really been. How fierce and protective of them Miki had been, how much she'd loved them. How strong, in all the right ways, Yuki had been.
It's hard to notice until it's too late.
She pats his back gently. ]
But in a place like that... a place like we were in, it pushes people to be their best. [ or their worst -- not that she has to say it. ] I just wish it didn't have to happen like this.
[ That catches her by surprise. She's about to say no, of course not because her instinctive reaction now is to reassure him and soothe the hurt. But somehow, she doesn't feel as if that's the right response here.
She's quiet for a moment and when she speaks up, her voice is soft. ]
[ And at that, Choromatsu's voice raises and he snaps, but not because he's angry at her ]
Because I'm always yelling at him! I'm always calling him a useless piece of shit and a stupid, worthless brother! I'm always treating him like a waste of space!
He died thinking that's all he was! And I--
[ --know that it's the network's fault. He knows it's the fault of this entire sick game. He knows because that's how it was with him. How the title that stared him down bore into him for weeks and as more and more shit fell apart around him he believed it more and more... it's the same. And yet, ]
I thought that's all he was too!
[ the guilt still hangs over him. His hands are balled tightly around pillow and bedding. He can't help it. ]
[ Yuuri flinches and all over again, her heart breaks for him. It's one thing for her to have seen Kurumi in there and watched them find Miki. The two on TV now are Choromatsu's brothers and more than that, they're sextuplets. She doesn't even want to try and imagine it.
She doesn't know what to say or do and she hates it. But she can't fix this. None of them can fix this and even when IG7 is burning and they've saved everyone... this isn't something they can fix. It's what Nari hadn't seemed to understand. Bringing them back and healing the physical scars doesn't change the fact that this happened to begin with.
She has to draw in a steadying breath before she speaks up again. ]
Do you... do you remember back when we were on the Fantasy Sweet? One of the very first weeks we were there. We talked a little about your brothers. And you said you were worried they wouldn't even notice you were missing. Do you remember that?
[ She wants to get her hands on Rox Petuu and wring her neck. The sheer vemon of her own anger surprises her but she knows she won't act on it. Not because she won't act on it but because if anyone deserves to throttle that fucking woman, it's Choromatsu. ]
But even though you thought that, when I asked you if you loved them and they loved you... you said "yes". And I'm sure if anyone asked Osomatsu-san the same thing, he'd say just what you did. You can fight and call each other all kinds of things and god, sometimes you hate each other, but you never ever stop knowing how much you love them. He knew that, I know he did.
It doesn't change or fix the rest of it, nothing could. Nothing I can do or say would but... I...
[ Stop this, she wants to say to herself because she can't and shouldn't give him a promise she can't keep. But she'd told him, hadn't she? If you feel like you're falling behind, one of us will pull you. And if you feel like you can't go on then one of us will push you.
It's time for her to start pushing him. ]
When this is all over... even if I have to walk into wherever the network's keeping them and get it all done myself, I'm going to make sure you can see him again and you can tell him all this yourself.
[Xander understands depression. He understands fearing for family. He also knows what helps him get up and make it through each day when he'd rather sleep until he faded away- and that's aggressive physical activity.
Choromatsu had been wanting to get stronger, so he can fight. And Xander has already been working with quite a few of the survivors. But today is for Choromatsu.... And by 'today' we mean 'fucking dawn']
Choromatsu! Get up, now isn't the time for sleeping.
[ Choromatsu turns in bed and looks at Xander with eyes open barely a slit before he turns away, closing his eyes once more and pulling his covers more over himself. ]
[ Something about that gets Choromatsu to finally turn back to look at Xander again, one eye open... before he opens both of them and sits up properly, rubbing his eyes. ]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
hey motherfucker time to be sad
So of course, when she hears how this week unfolded, her first thought is that she has to do something for Choromatsu. What, exactly, she doesn't know. But she can't do nothing. It's not the same thing and she can't pretend it is, but... Yuuri knows what it's like to lose a sibling. She needs to help him.
It's an hour or two after the latest awful episode wraps that Yuuri goes to find him. Crowding him so soon after all that... well, it wouldn't be good for him. But she can't make herself wait any longer. He's probably sick to death of tea and hot drinks and everything else she'd try to get him to eat right now so for once, Yuuri's empty handed when she knocks at the door. ]
... Choromatsu-kun. You don't have to open the door but I just want to check up on you. Just... let me know if you're in there, okay?
no subject
His voice is muffled in his pillow when he speaks. ]
I-I'm here...
no subject
But she doesn't just march in, even with that assurance. She pokes her head around the door and gives him the best smile she can sum up right now. ]
Okay. I just wanted to check up on you after all that. Is it okay if I come in?
no subject
.........Yeah. S-Sure.
i'm gonna kick your ass if you keep using those sad icons
I heard what happened. I wanted to give you a little space but I couldn't just leave you all by yourself.
[ She doesn't quite feel comfortable sitting down on the bed, but she stands next to it and gently rests her hand on his back. ]
How are you holding up? That's probably a stupid question, but... if there's anything I can do to help, just let me know.
I have been waiting to use them ok don't @ me
...
He lifts his head up a little from his pillow. ]
Rii-chan... can I say something that might be kind of weird...?
no subject
[ It should sound like a joke but her voice is so flat and she sounds tired enough for both of them that the attempt at injecting some levity into the mood (if it was that to begin with) falls right on its face. ]
What is it?
no subject
...All off our lives my oldest brother has been a shit.
When we were children he was the leader... a little brat leading five other brats into trouble all the time. As adults he was a lazy, selfish slacker that refused to grow up and always got on my nerves. He was... annoying. A stupid shitty eldest.
[ He turns his head so he's laying it on his side ]
I... never heard him call us his "precious little brothers" like that before.
[ At least not in a way that wasn't somehow condescending or indicating he wanted something from them ]
I never saw him... be a niisan like that.
...Or maybe I just never noticed.
no subject
[ She'd never noticed until it was too late how tender and delicate Kurumi's heart had really been. How fierce and protective of them Miki had been, how much she'd loved them. How strong, in all the right ways, Yuki had been.
It's hard to notice until it's too late.
She pats his back gently. ]
But in a place like that... a place like we were in, it pushes people to be their best. [ or their worst -- not that she has to say it. ] I just wish it didn't have to happen like this.
no subject
...Do you think it's my fault?
That he felt the way he did at the end.
no subject
She's quiet for a moment and when she speaks up, her voice is soft. ]
Why would you think something like that?
no subject
Because I'm always yelling at him! I'm always calling him a useless piece of shit and a stupid, worthless brother! I'm always treating him like a waste of space!
He died thinking that's all he was! And I--
[ --know that it's the network's fault. He knows it's the fault of this entire sick game. He knows because that's how it was with him. How the title that stared him down bore into him for weeks and as more and more shit fell apart around him he believed it more and more... it's the same. And yet, ]
I thought that's all he was too!
[ the guilt still hangs over him. His hands are balled tightly around pillow and bedding. He can't help it. ]
no subject
She doesn't know what to say or do and she hates it. But she can't fix this. None of them can fix this and even when IG7 is burning and they've saved everyone... this isn't something they can fix. It's what Nari hadn't seemed to understand. Bringing them back and healing the physical scars doesn't change the fact that this happened to begin with.
She has to draw in a steadying breath before she speaks up again. ]
Do you... do you remember back when we were on the Fantasy Sweet? One of the very first weeks we were there. We talked a little about your brothers. And you said you were worried they wouldn't even notice you were missing. Do you remember that?
[ She's going somewhere with this. Promise. ]
no subject
Y-Yeah... Because of the thing that happened to Karamatsu...
no subject
But even though you thought that, when I asked you if you loved them and they loved you... you said "yes". And I'm sure if anyone asked Osomatsu-san the same thing, he'd say just what you did. You can fight and call each other all kinds of things and god, sometimes you hate each other, but you never ever stop knowing how much you love them. He knew that, I know he did.
It doesn't change or fix the rest of it, nothing could. Nothing I can do or say would but... I...
[ Stop this, she wants to say to herself because she can't and shouldn't give him a promise she can't keep. But she'd told him, hadn't she? If you feel like you're falling behind, one of us will pull you. And if you feel like you can't go on then one of us will push you.
It's time for her to start pushing him. ]
When this is all over... even if I have to walk into wherever the network's keeping them and get it all done myself, I'm going to make sure you can see him again and you can tell him all this yourself.
shortly after deadland intermission
Choromatsu had been wanting to get stronger, so he can fight. And Xander has already been working with quite a few of the survivors. But today is for Choromatsu.... And by 'today' we mean 'fucking dawn']
Choromatsu! Get up, now isn't the time for sleeping.
👀
[ Choromatsu turns in bed and looks at Xander with eyes open barely a slit before he turns away, closing his eyes once more and pulling his covers more over himself. ]
Shut up... it’s way too... early...
no subject
no subject
What time is it...?
no subject
--OH WAIT IT WAS *MY* GO IN THIS THREAD.... SHIT
Are you NUTS?!
NO WORRIES HUN
no subject
[ oh my god you big fucking baby aren't you the responsible one ]
no subject
no subject
........................
................................................I'm coming.
no subject
[He's gonna wait outside]